Issues

December 2025 Issue

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Article Archive

Kids’ Safety Organization Promotes Accepting Candy from Strangers at Night as “Perfectly Safe”

'I would never let my kids do something like this... unless it 's October 31st '
MECK: The Principal Curse

New principal at Mackenzie: fourth change in 2 years. Is it a curse??
The Flounder Here, Your One and Only Source into the Scandalous Lives of America’s Elite

“Ronald Dump says he will ban being a Democrat upon being elected” - DJ Vance probably
Widespread Panic As Cats and Dogs Discover the Truth: Opinions From Experts

'They 're eating the WHAT???'
TDSB Announces Decision to Ban Google From Its WI-FI

'Google Classroom? Back in my day, we had a real classroom in a real school. Not this wishy-washy Google stuff you hear of today,'TDSB Congressman, age 86, says.
'Wheel of Careers 'Mackenzie Game Show Launched to Help Undecided Gr.12s

Students create a new game show to help reluctant Gr. 12s choose a career path. Also local media gets involved.
Report Card Day
Teachers to Introduce Subway Surfer Gameplay on Display During Class to Help boost attention rates

Toronto schools use Subway Surfer gameplay for boosted attention. Split-screen learning shows unprecedented engagement; r/AITA rewriting plans most effective.
Nord VPN
Current Mural Plans Mysteriously Replaced By Massive Image of Flounder

School mural reference sheets replaced with poor flounder drawings; outrage ensues. Security camera footage dismissed as coincidence. Students submit better flounder images for mural.
Students Overjoyed at New Late Start Schedule

Mazkenzie changes late start to start 5 minute early; students love the new challenge.
Five Minute Alarms to be Added to Hall Passes

Mackenzie implements alarms into hall passes to catch students skipping class, causing uproar amongst the student body.
Grades 13 Returns to Compensate for Years of COVID-Generated Student Slacking

Grade 13 aims to deflate high school marks to provide an equitable high school experience.
AI Joke
One Billion Lions vs. The Flounder

The battle of the century
Mackenzie Through The Years

'We shall discusseth our plans for the grand weeketh of spirit '- Julius Caesar, former President of the Mackenzie Student Council
LET’S GO, LYONS! - And Flounders?
The Flounder Is Cut In Half Due to a Lack of Ideas

“*Vertically. You really cut the paper in half **vertically**. Who the*"
Bill C-11

Possibly not a good idea
World Cup
Therapy Flounder Brought in to Alleviate Stress

“Why care about school when you can touch the flounder?”
The Rat
Mackenzie Utilizes Revolutionary Technique to Conquer the Evils of the Season

“Modern problems require modern solutions”
The Flounder Announces New NFT Collection

10,000 unique “Phish and Chips” digital collectibles will be released at a starting price of $69,420.
MSC constructs nuclear bombs to ensure shorter winters

Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?
CAD/Bonus Mark Exchange Rate Skyrockets in Economic Recession

Everyone is ready to cash in on those “hard earned” bonus marks
Flounder writers to be replaced by Artificial-Intelligence
Student begins to float after forgetting to account for gravity on their physics test
$1,000,000 Bathroom Investment to Revolutionize the Number 2 Experience

Wiping my tears with cash is so 2022.
Winter Anatomy
The Worms
TDSB Ecstatic Over Record High Pass Rate on EQAO
TDSB Announces Selection for Sports Teams Will Now Be Done Via Lottery to Promote Equity
Quizzes and Tests to Be “Self-Graded” to Keep Marks Fully Private and Confidential
Teachers To Allow Only Online Messaging (No Talking) During Class To 'Keep the Noise Levels Down '

Teachers embrace technology in a desperate attempt to “shut those kids up
December 2022 Issue

Flounder issue of December 2022
Winning Class for the Food Drive Gets a Gourmet Buffet Lunch Reward
High School Students Discover Shocking Information About Flounder Fish
The Halloween Hustle: A Practical Guide to Candy Scalping

Featuring Business Prodigy Trist Coan
I Wanna Do That
Valentine Woes
Students Turn off Cameras to Stop the Spread of New Omicron Variant

Safety first, learning much further down the list.
Snow Day?
School Day Officially Changes to “Night Shift” to Better Match Students’ Sleep Schedules

“Our priority has always been to best accommodate our students.”
Student considering spending rest of life in a remote cottage in a Nordic country after being denied from the Toronto Public Library’s 'Leading to Reading 'volunteer program
4 Main Stages of Inflation
Same Old
Don 't Worry, He Doesn 't Bite
Culminating Spree
Students and teachers are no longer allowed to have cameras on as concerns about equitable treatment of the visually impaired arise

Now coming at you in 0k
TDSB Wi-Fi
Student-run team takes over hiring process for staff

Averages skyrocket to 145%, leading the nation 's education system.
Spot the Differences!
New Spider Terrorization Tactics are Effectively Increasing Productivity

How much is the increase in productivity? It’s over 9000%!
Short Stairs for Short People

The first step to a better Mackenzie.
Praying for Our School
Plain Misbehaviour or Something Deeper? Student Explains How Locked Washrooms Prove the Mackenzie Swimming Pool Exists

Facts don’t care about your feelings, and the fact is that the pool has always been there.
Nice Fermented Vegetables
Students With Faces in Hands as Midterm Marks Distributed

The darn kids are not taking COVID seriously
Class Competitions
Zroom Approves of Move to Remote Learning

"The Ministry of Education truly cares about its students."
Mackenzie Announces Formation of Third Newspaper Because "Two Is Not Enough "
THE BIG PICTURE
Teacher Denies Virtual Student Access to Washroom
Doug Ford Announces Privatization of Toronto District School Board

Experts are confused, economists are happy, and Doug REFUSES to hesitate...
Summer Break Priorities
New Student Council President Makes Mackenzie Great Again

"God I love democracy,"said Barsh Bharma, after winning the student council president elections in a (literal) landslide.
Online Class Embarassment
Official Rules of Chess Modified to Include More Physical Violence after Protest at Mackenzie
Unemployment Projections Increase 2000% After Mackenzie Class Fails Colouring Assignment

"This will cause the greatest economic disaster humanity has ever seen."
A Typical Easter
New Report From Internal Watchdog Estimates Photo Day Delays to Last Until 2025

Ministries provide conflicting responses...
This Month in Pictures
TDSB Cancels Exams After Lack of Cheating at Mackenzie Deemed "Suspicious "

Mackenzie is calling on students to begin cheating again and put an end to their suspicious behaviour.
The Life Cycle of a Forgotten Easter Egg
TDSB Attracts International Attention For Mysterious COVID-19 Situation

"This simply is beyond modern medicine,"says one Harvard doctor.
Mackenzie unveils new Cleaning technology
Mackenzie Virtual Lockdowns Improves Virtual Class Safety

"Finally student safety is a priority,"one virtual student told us.
Mackenzie Instituting New "Virtual Hallways "Between Zoom Classes

"We hear you loud and clear,"says administration in response to student body 's declining mental health
TDSB Schools Remain Open During Light Snowfall

"By any reasonable standards, last night 's squall was exceptionally mild."
OBAMA Becomes The World’s Leading Mining Industrial Conglomerate

"Why earn gold stars when you can earn gold bars?", says Mynkrapht Steev, a Mackenzie student turned minor miner.
1 Year Ago Today Memories
Long Story Short
Classifieds
Webcams Suspiciously Breaking All Across Mackenzie

An in-depth investigation
Valentine 's Day
Valentine 's Day Expectations VS Reality
Valentine 's Day
Mackenzie Social Distancing Policies Put in Place Due to Gum-Related Injuries

"I now know how it feels to chew 5 gum… painful,"says Yom Ama, a bubblegum abuse victim.
Last Day of School Year Designated as Mental Wellness Day

"There was just no other day to fit it in.
Gardening Club Arrested For Illegal Drug Production

"They used to grow all kinds of flowers. Now they only seem to grow poppies."
Fish
What are you going to do? Give Me Detention?

Yes.
Mackenzie Teachers Innovating New Anti-Cheating Measures
Mackenzie Kills Two Birds With One Stone; Fights Climate Change and Gets AC

Student walks inside from the snowy outdoors, "s*** it 's cold in here!"
TDSB Invites New Therapy Animal!
TDSB Implements New Supervision Policies for Virtual Classes

"They could be having private conversations!"
An Open Letter
Mackenzie Administration Commended After New Fundraising Initiative
Gym Class
Quarantine Goals: Before and After
The Flounder Labeled "Fake News Media "by the Lyon, Hallway Brawl Ensues
Quarantine From a Dog 's Perspective
Virtual Class
TDSB Wins First Ever Nobel Peace Prize For an Error Page

Improving our world one step at a time
Mackenzie Student Sets New World Record For Longest Time Without Sleep
Students Shocked at New Restroom Policy

"We 're all pissed "
Lois
Mackenzie Locker Size Protest Cancelled Due to Equipment Being Stuck in Lockers

"We were after locker space, not a void in space,"says protest leader, Chirag Gupta
Universities Adopt Handwashing as Number 1 Factor for Admission

Geric Mrtler, co-president of T of U says "the future of the workforce, reputation of our university, and the entire education system really isn 't worth all that much."
The Flounder Fashion Fad
Flounder Cannibal
Asynchronous in a Nutshell
Demand for accounting classes skyrockets after addition of Tax Fraud unit

"I 'm so glad that school is finally teaching us something practical."
Vaping population at Mackenzie drops below 0%

"Future trends, we decided, should be considered negative,"said the Official Mackenzie Statistic Fabricator.
Mackenzie alumni 's creative bridge design nominated for environmental innovation awards

"Aren 't bridges supposed to be made with popsicle sticks?"
New trash system of 2.6 million bins to simplify Mackenzie 's three bin policy

"After all, not everybody can properly sort their waste—it 's just too difficult sometimes."
Leadership struggle causes the collapse of "Club President 's Club "

Some insist that the club never existed in the first place. Perhaps it is for the best that we do the same.
Students adopt alternative optimised study schedule

You can 't have disruptions to your study schedule if you don 't study at all.
Students Want School Uniforms For Custodial Strike
Mackenzie mascot to be replaced with real lion

"[Screams] It 's got my leg,"says mascot trainer.
"O Canada "modified to begin with twenty seconds of silence

Silence a welcome space for students to self-reflect and check their phones.
Mackenzie doubles height of hallways to alleviate congestion

Students now travel the halls one on top of another in an orderly fashion.
Falling EQAO scores prompt Mackenzie to change school motto

Students plan on "getting the first fifteen correct."
Cafeteria staff to purchase beach house with profit from plastic utensils

"It 's warmer in Jamaica,"says one staff member.
Administration to crack down on dabbing

New regulation comes after claims that the action poses a safety hazard and decreased brain activity.

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December 2022 Issue

March 2022 Issue

December 2021 Issue

June 2021 Issue

April 2021 Issue

March 2021 Issue

February 2021 Issue

December 2020 Issue

November 2020 Issue

February 2020 Issue

November 2019 Issue

Article Archive

Kids’ Safety Organization Promotes Accepting Candy from Strangers at Night as “Perfectly Safe”

MECK: The Principal Curse

The Flounder Here, Your One and Only Source into the Scandalous Lives of America’s Elite

Widespread Panic As Cats and Dogs Discover the Truth: Opinions From Experts

TDSB Announces Decision to Ban Google From Its WI-FI

'Wheel of Careers 'Mackenzie Game Show Launched to Help Undecided Gr.12s

Report Card Day

Teachers to Introduce Subway Surfer Gameplay on Display During Class to Help boost attention rates

Nord VPN

Current Mural Plans Mysteriously Replaced By Massive Image of Flounder

Students Overjoyed at New Late Start Schedule

Five Minute Alarms to be Added to Hall Passes

Grades 13 Returns to Compensate for Years of COVID-Generated Student Slacking

AI Joke

One Billion Lions vs. The Flounder

Mackenzie Through The Years

LET’S GO, LYONS! - And Flounders?

The Flounder Is Cut In Half Due to a Lack of Ideas

Bill C-11

World Cup

Therapy Flounder Brought in to Alleviate Stress

The Rat

Mackenzie Utilizes Revolutionary Technique to Conquer the Evils of the Season

The Flounder Announces New NFT Collection

MSC constructs nuclear bombs to ensure shorter winters

CAD/Bonus Mark Exchange Rate Skyrockets in Economic Recession

Flounder writers to be replaced by Artificial-Intelligence

Student begins to float after forgetting to account for gravity on their physics test

$1,000,000 Bathroom Investment to Revolutionize the Number 2 Experience

Winter Anatomy

The Worms

TDSB Ecstatic Over Record High Pass Rate on EQAO

TDSB Announces Selection for Sports Teams Will Now Be Done Via Lottery to Promote Equity

Quizzes and Tests to Be “Self-Graded” to Keep Marks Fully Private and Confidential

Teachers To Allow Only Online Messaging (No Talking) During Class To 'Keep the Noise Levels Down '

December 2022 Issue

Winning Class for the Food Drive Gets a Gourmet Buffet Lunch Reward

High School Students Discover Shocking Information About Flounder Fish

The Halloween Hustle: A Practical Guide to Candy Scalping

I Wanna Do That

Valentine Woes

Students Turn off Cameras to Stop the Spread of New Omicron Variant

Snow Day?

School Day Officially Changes to “Night Shift” to Better Match Students’ Sleep Schedules

Student considering spending rest of life in a remote cottage in a Nordic country after being denied from the Toronto Public Library’s 'Leading to Reading 'volunteer program

4 Main Stages of Inflation

Same Old

Don 't Worry, He Doesn 't Bite

Culminating Spree

Students and teachers are no longer allowed to have cameras on as concerns about equitable treatment of the visually impaired arise

TDSB Wi-Fi

Student-run team takes over hiring process for staff

Spot the Differences!

New Spider Terrorization Tactics are Effectively Increasing Productivity

Short Stairs for Short People

Praying for Our School

Plain Misbehaviour or Something Deeper? Student Explains How Locked Washrooms Prove the Mackenzie Swimming Pool Exists

Nice Fermented Vegetables

Students With Faces in Hands as Midterm Marks Distributed

Class Competitions

Zroom Approves of Move to Remote Learning